


i've seen this film before (and i didn't like the ending)

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Other, i am now at this point really using carter as a vehicle so i can hug cel, they need a hug ;-;
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:15:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25592647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Cel's trying to hold it together.
Relationships: Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom/Howard Carter
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	i've seen this film before (and i didn't like the ending)

Cel’s skin feels it’s buzzing and usually it’s a feeling they’d welcome but not now. They’ve only been in the air for a few hours but they’re already ready to get off and leave this Captain Earhart behind. She’s brash and angry and Cel knows from their own experience how dangerous  _ and fatal  _ that could be.

So far the reassurance they’ve gotten from Zolf has been flimsy at best and they truly want to believe he has the intentions of the crew at heart but they’ve also seen the way mister Smith operates and Cel’s seen his type too and they don’t know if they can trust him just yet.

They pace and pace around the deck for a long time until they’re whisked away to help with work on this ship which they are genuinely grateful for and though the next few days are grueling and hard and they’re exhausted it’s worth it. They try to keep as much of an eye on Amelia as they can but it proves to be difficult over all the work to be done.

Cel and Zolf butt heads again slightly. Cel lashes out in a way they don’t intend to and they’re words come off meaner than they mean, but they don’t regret saying them. At this point they’re just tired of feeling like they need to walk on eggshells around the brooding first mate, tough to his credit Cel could see he was doing a lot better. Still too much of a wild card to trust fully, but then they think back to the kindness he showed with the uncomfortable quarantine business back at the village, and his choosing of lightning elementals just for them.

Cel knows and can see Zolf’s heart is good, but it still doesn’t keep their skin from buzzing.

They clear the air with each other a bit more the night the others play darts and talk among themselves and Cel does feel better. They want to be friends with Zolf and they want to help him with this mission but there’s just something holding Cel back and they don’t really know how to explain it. They’ve seen this kind of thing before and now with the stakes so much higher they don’t know what to do.

It’s the coldest night it’s been so far and they’re starting to get cold. Zolf notices and moves to ask if they need anything but Cel shoots up from the bench they were sharing and leaves to inside the ship only giving Zolf a little wave as they did so. Again, they didn’t mean too but it just happened. They felt trapped all of a sudden, a bit too closed in on the confines of this ship. They rushed into the first room they saw and was thankful that it was the lounge, which was probably the biggest and so far quietest part of the ship.

There’s a fire lit and they go to it and sit down on the floor in front of it. The flames warm them up quickly and they curl themselves up into a ball. They can’t remember the last time they’ve cried but they feel their eyes begin to well up a bit.

“Cel?” someone says behind them. They let out a small yell and jumped out of their ball. They turn to see Carter standing there with a worried look on his face.

Cel just looks at him confused and frightened. They stand up and straighten themselves out, “Mister Carter I-what are you doing here you scared me,” they say.

Carter looks down towards the ground and when he looks back up at Cel they can see he’s blushing a bit.

“Sorry...sorry I just wanted to check up on-on you. Are you okay, Cel?” he says. It’s an answer and question they’re not expecting. They just look at him and don’t answer. They see now that he’s holding a blanket. Carter notices Cel’s stare and hands it out to them.

“Oh, uh yeah looks like you needed this I, uh, sorry I can go I didn’t mean to bother you just wanted to make sure you’re alright because the uh...team needs you,” he says.

Cel takes the blanket and wraps it around their shoulders. It’s soft and smells a bit like the cheap cologne they’ve known Carter to wear.

“Thank you, mister Carter, It was a bit chilly out there,” they say.

Carter smiles, “Of course,” he says. He begins to turn and head for the door.

“Wait, uh, you can stay if you want uh I don’t...think I should really be alone right now,” Cel says.

Carter’s back in front of them quickly and he nods his agreement. Cel gives a shy nod back and turns back towards the fireplace and falls once again to the floor. Carter moves and sits next to them.

They don’t speak to each other but Cel is calmed a bit by his presence. They don’t know Carter well at all except for what the party grumbles about him. He keeps to himself mostly, they’ve noticed. Cel’s also seen him sneak out most nights to different parts of the ship, always returning with something hidden in his hands. If they liked Amelia, they’d tell her about it but luckily for Carter they didn’t. So his secret is safe with them for now.

Cel lets out a long breath and visibly deflates. They’re aware now of just how close Carter is. They’re back in a knees to chest position while he sits cross legged and his knees are just barely touching their thigh. The contact flutters in and out as he shakes his legs up and down.

Cel notices now that he’s all fiddling with his fingers. “Uh are  _ you  _ alright, mister Carter,” they say.

Now it’s his turn to jump a bit and he lets out what is definitely a nervous laugh, Cel’s done enough of their own to know what that sounds like.

“No I’m fine sorry I'm just not a big fan of the quiet and well...Cel do you think the air is kind of...off here. Like this crew, this ship. Everyone’s so high strung I mean I know we’re on a pretty high stakes mission but this is nuts you know?”

Cel’s absolutely certain this is the longest they’ve ever talked. Or, the longest Carter’s ever talked to them since that first night in quarantine and even then they’ve never heard him ramble like this. His eyes are also a little wide and bloodshot like he hasn’t been sleeping. It makes sense, given Cel’s observations of his late night habits, but it’s different seeing him up close like this.

“Also please feel free to just call me Carter. Or Howard, my first name, though no one really calls me that. I don’t like the name much uh I-” he stops himself as if finally realizing his ramblings. He opens his mouth to say something but then closes it and turns a little bit away from Cel and stares into the flames of the fire.

They look at him with a quizzical expression as they watch the look on his face harden. Cel hates this. Hates what the mood from the captain is doing to the crew. It feels like a sickness and it’s touching everything on this ship. This isn’t supposed to be as stressful as it is. They close their eyes and let out a slightly frustrated sigh.

They reach out a hand and put it on Carter’s shoulder. It’s at a bit of an awkward angle but neither really move to fix it. He jumps a little at the contact but then leans into it. He gives another smile to Cel who returns it sheepishly.

“How did you know I was in here, Carter?” they ask. Carter clears his throat and lets out another nervous chuckle.

“I saw you dart in here after you talked to Zolf,” he explains, “I wasn’t watching you I just...kind of watch everyone and you two seemed to be having a private moment and I wasn’t trying to pry but you seemed...upset and so I-” he cuts himself off again and Cel smiles.

They move the hand placed on his shoulder and bring it up to gently cup his face. Again Carter’s surprised but again he leans into it.

Physical touch is hard to come by these days and perhaps both of them missed the comfort of it.

“Thank you,” Cel says, “You were right in a way. I am upset. This whole thing is upsetting. I’m just...you know i’m just nervous that-that this whole thing is going to come crashing down before we even get started. The captain she...she,” they stop now.

They start shaking again and now it’s Carter’s turn to reach out. He slowly moves as to ask if it's okay before he wraps his arms around them. Cel doesn’t fight it as they place their face in his chest.

It feels nice and his chest is stronger than they expected. They stay like that for a while. Carter occasionally rubs a hand up and down Cel’s back and somewhere along the line they synch up their breathing. It’s nice and it helps Cel relax, the tension building inside them for the past week finally being released. They still feel like they should cry but the tears are kept at bay for now.

Somewhere along the way they fell asleep like that and Barnes awkwardly finds them in the morning. He doesn’t say anything and just leaves them to it, backing out the door slowly.

They’re both blushing at each other as they untangle from each other and stand up. Their joints ache as they stretch. “Uh here this is yours I think,” Cel says, removing the blanket from their shoulders. Carter takes it with a smile. “And uh. Thank you for last night I guess. I um...not used to this,” Cel continues. They’re not exactly sure when they mean when they say ‘this’ but they figure now they’ll have sometime to figure it out.

Carter gives a nod, “It’s not a problem, Cel. I should go. I, uh, it was good for me too, by the way,” he says. He realizes what he says and his face twists in embarrassment as he now shuffles towards the door. He gives Cel one last look and an awkward wave before heading back outside.

Cel sighs as they let a small smile bloom onto their face.

**Author's Note:**

> I am once again begging to hug Cel :(((((
> 
> hope you enjoyed !
> 
> and remember: Carter/Cel rights.


End file.
